Vuy Zamooshim?

I haven't done much commentary on social life around here in Kazakhstan, and relationships have always been a source of fascination and terror for me here in this good old Republic.

One of the biggest fears that people often have about dating around here (at least, in Ust-Kamenogorsk) is that Kazakhstan, being an Islamic country, makes the country chock full of conservative fanatics. Indeed, prior to coming here, I fully expected seeing burkhas and covered heads wherever I went. Yet, in both places I've lived so far, in the more conservative south and now in Ust-Kamenogorsk, it's become clear that while much of the population of Kazakhstan considers itself Muslim, the fact that the country was on the far-reaches/outskirts of the Islamic empire, followed by years of Soviet rule, has actually resulted in a country that actually has very little of the Islam roots as part of the everyday culture.

Certainly, one can consider the culture to be... 'conservative' in some sense of the word, at least in the sense that the culture is very male-oriented. Women are expected to serve men here and to defer to their decisions - certainly, one of my first experiences in the south was being laughed at when I went and washed my own dishes, or told the family that I enjoyed cooking.

"That's women's work!" I was told, and basically forced to rest and watch television while the women in the family fussed over whatever else household chores needed to be done.

But what's confusing to me is that the male-orientation of the culture is oft-like a runaway train - the culture is not 'liberal' in the American sense, where women *can* be the heads of the households, or *can* make decisions on her own without a husband (although many cases do have it this way, there's still an illusion to maintain on a public forum), but it's not quite 'conservative', either, in the sense that a woman has to dress in long skirts and keep herself covered at all times. Indeed, the male-orientation of the culture, combined with many of the oxymorons seen in everyday society can drive many volunteers mad.

One of the first questions female volunteers here are asked are things like "Vuy Zamooshim?" - i.e. Do you have a husband? For male volunteers... "Vuy Zhinaty?" its more like the 4th or 5th question (if it's asked at all), after name, age, salary, and job. Both men and women get married at incredibly young ages (at least by American standards) - it's not uncommon to see girls ranging from 15-24 getting married.. by 25-28, women are considered old maids and people constantly wonder what's wrong with them for not having gotten married already. If a man and a woman is walking down the street, people will stop and talk only to the man and ask how he's doing, unless the person is very close to the woman instead. Many Americans find this maddenning.

Certainly, the women are also a part of the culture, and it's very much ingrained in their systems also - men are expected to go after women and be persistent - a pig? What do you mean a pig? He's just being a man, it's expected! Babushkas sitting on the street would gossip and talk to no end about a woman who has a lot of male friends who visit her home (and of course, MUST BE a prostitute), but only wink and smile at a male who's a womanizing jackass.

The mentality becomes even clearer in my discussions and lessons - during my practicum, I had my students write down their hopes and dreams for the future, with "In 1 year, I will.... In 5 years, I will... in 10 years, I will.." etc. It's the same mentality that's ingrained in the culture and part of everyone, man or woman, that lead one of my female students to write this particular gem:


Now you understand what I'm dealing with.

Going further into that, they also lack many of the same social taboos that we have in America - there are no "18 is age of consent laws" here, and apparently the idea of teachers dating students isn't taboo either, as I keep getting nods and jokes from the other teachers (all women, coincidently), telling me I will enjoy dating our students.

But it's important to understand - while the opportunities are here and wide open, I still also have my own American sensibilities to hold onto - whether or not I'm in a culture that actively encourages it, I have still have my original definitions of what is right and wrong, what I should be doing and should not be doing, and what a womanizing asshole is - something I don't want to be. Am I going to date my students? Of course not, that's a stupid idea - I even have withholdings about dating students who are in different departments of the university that I'd never ever have an opportunity to teach.

The funniest part is, whenever there are stories about volunteers who come in, find that the culture expects them to embrace certain piggish type behaviors (and 'rewards' them when they take advantage of that fact), it's going back to America that gives them the reality check...when they realize that no, they aren't God's gift to women, and that no, not just any woman is going to cook them dinner and clean after them.

No need for a reality check, thanks, I'll be just fine.