Shine on

I found out yesterday that two more volunteers from our particular training group has decided to quit and go home. Given that, it makes a grand total of 11 volunteers who have now left our training group – from the original 45, now down to 34.

At the end of every training, the training groups are always given some sort of affectionate nickname based on the personality characteristics of the group itself – since we had 9 quit by the end of the training, ours was of course, called “Kaz-Quits”.

It’s a rather unfortunate nickname, but at the same time, it’s a bit incorrect, because when volunteers decide to leave, it actually reflects little on the volunteers that do stay – shouldn’t it be “Kaz-We-Grit-Our-Teeth-And-Bear-Its?” The rumors that have been going around as the ‘reason’ for the departures is that our particular group was generally much younger and more immature than other groups.

I’m not sure what to think about this – in general, our group has become so numb to the whole idea of volunteers leaving that there’s no dreaded stigma of being a ‘quitter’ to carry now when people leave. Sure, it might have been there in the first 2 or 3 volunteers, but once the numbers started going higher and higher, people honestly stopped caring and became more focused on their own work rather than judging other people. As a result, without the stigma, the mentality then becomes easier “Hey, 11 people have left, why can’t I?”

I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, particularly during times that are lonelier, but I know that deep down in my heart of hearts, if I actually go through the process of packing up and going back all the way to California, I might be happy for a week, but I’d regret it for the rest of my life. In many ways, plowing through the bad times (which actually aren’t all that often) and suddenly realizing the next week that it’s been one of the best weeks I’ve ever had here is an awesome feeling.

I think the root might be more in terms of my feelings towards my service here from the beginning – my recruiter, John, told me right from the start that Peace Corps was not going to be all roses

”Jay, I’m going to tell you right now, when you make this decision to join, I want you to truly think it out and make sure you want to stay here for the whole two years,” he told me, “the Peace Corps isn’t always like it is in the ads – service is like a roller coaster, the highs are the highest highs you’ll ever experience, and the lows are probably going to be the lowest lows you’ll ever experience at the same time. Don’t go into country thinking everyone will love you, even the rest of your volunteers – you’re not going to like some of the other volunteers and they aren’t going to like you – but when it comes down to it, if you just get through the next day and deal with whatever you’ve got coming, you’ll find something to like the next day.”

John then proceeded to discuss worst case scenarios, like horrible students, blatant racism, and so on, and asked me to go home and think about the whole thing before I agreed to do anything.

I did. I went home and thought long and hard about it, for a good three or four days – would I be able to deal with it if people were throwing rocks at me everyday and calling me Kung-fu? Would I be able to deal with it if I had to wash all my clothes by hand?

I finally decided yes, I’d simply be positive and find things to enjoy – and since then, my motto, especially during training, was “I’m going to take things as they come, and deal with them one by one.”

I signed up for this and I sacrificed for it, and I don’t want to lose out on this opportunity – I knew that there were going to be bad times, but that’s what keeps me going.

Now, I look at my situation – I’m teaching in a university in a beautiful city to mostly brilliant students up in the north, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else. Would it be different if I had an opposite assignment? No idea – but again, take things as they come, and deal with it one by one.